YuGiOh GX: The true meaning of darkness *english only*

[Ryo B.]

Hi erst mal,
Also diese FF hab ich eigentlich für ein amerikanisches Forum geschrieben, weil ich mich einfach mal an einer komplett englischen Story versuchen wollte, ausserdem dacht ich, dass es eine ganz gute Übung für mein baldiges Abi wäre.
Und da in diesem Forum sicher fast alle genug englisch verstehen, dacht ich, dass ich es auch mal hier rein poste, bin mal gespannt ob es Anklang findet.

Die Story startet zeitgleich mit YGO GX und wird dann neben der original story herlaufen und sich manchmal überschneiden. Deshalb wäre es nicht schlecht wenn ihr ein paar Grundkenntnisse über die Story von GX und die Charaktere mitbringen würdet. Aber ich versuche natürlich die vorkommenden Charaktere so zu beschreiben, dass man es auch ohne vorwissen versteht und die Maincharas sind sowieso meine eigenen.

Ach ja die, die meine anderen beiden FFs gelesen haben werden die namen der Charaktere sicherlich kennen, aber sie gefielen mir und passten schön in die Grundstory.

Puh was laber ich hier rum. Let' s get it on.

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YuGiOh GX: The true meaning of darkness.

Act 1: Gathering

Chapter 1: The four parts

Alan Riley stood in front of his bathroom mirror looking at himself. He was about seventeen years of age, had blonde short hair and icy-blue eyes.
The boy took some cold water in his hands an splashed it in his face, as the water was running down his cheeks and nose he finally woke up completly and rembered what day it was.
When everything would work out today he could finally get away from here, away from this stupid city and away from his hated parents.
<Finally…>
Rubbing his face with a dark-blue towel he left the bathroom and changed in his street clothes: A crushed bluejeans and a black shirt with a red kanji on the back.
He grabbed the backpack, which he filled with clothes and other stuff last night.
“Only one thing missing...”, Alan said to himself and took the black deckbox, that was liing next to his bed.
This deck, which he constructed in years of trial and error, would open the road to his new life.
With a faint smile he put the deckbox in the special pocket at his belt and left the room.
Downstairs his mother was making a much to big breakfast as usual, his father was reading the newspaper and his snotnosed little sister was eating fresh pancakes. Alan sat down without saying one word to his father or his sister. Only his mother got a silent “’morning”.
“Well, Alan this is your big day...”, said his father sarcastically. Thomas Riley was a big thin man with the face of a Hawk and the inteligence of a dove.
He was absolutely sure that his son wouldn’ t pass this test, and since he hated the Duel Monsters game and thought of it as childish he loved to make fun of his son.
Alan stuffed some pancakes in his mouth and resisted the wish to answer him in a way he deserved. “I wish you luck, Alan”, said his mother, who always wanted her family to look like a perfect TV-family.
“Yeah...thanks...”, mumbled Alan with a full mouth.
Five minutes later the blonde boy finished his breakfast and put his backpack on.
“It’ s time”, he said on his way to the door, “I am not sure if we will meet again.”
“Whatever...” said his father without taking his eyes of the paper.
Alan opened the door and slammed it behind himself, he had more then enough of this family and his life up to this point.
<I will never return, never look back.>, he thought as he was walking towards the silver-white dome which towered above the city. This Kaiba Dome, one of the few dozens around the earth, would be the place where the entrance exam for the Duel Academy was taking place.

It was only a few minutes later, that a little brown haired guy was walking towards the dome himself. The boys name was Ben Carter, 165 cm tall, brown-eyed, just a poor weakling like many other.
While walking he held his small palmtop and checked on the data he had collected so far.
He had almost any card ever produced, any rule and the decks of the worlds greatest players saved in this little thing. Of course he wouldn’ t be able to use the data in the written exam, but since he studied almost one whole month there shouldn’ t be a problem with the written part. He had always been really good in terms of learning for school, but that was just a lousy try to make up for the lack of friends in his life. Allmost anyone who knew him disliked him for his weakness. He really hoped that on the Academy he could finally find some real friends and may lose his shyness.
<Well… well, the written part will be easy, but the practical part is a different story…>, he thought depressed.
His dueling skills were nothing near good, and he just hab no idea how to improve them. Somebody once said that he was thinking to much in his duels, but Ben didn’ t listen to him. Duel Monsters was a game based on strategy and tactic, so how could you play without thinking?
Anyway, the grades in the entrance exam consisted of 50% written and 50% practical test, so his chances shouldn’ t be that bad.
Cheering himself up with this thought, he continued on his way to the Kaiba Dome.

<Hurry, hurry...im lateeee!!!>, the cute girl said to herself as she was rolling along the streets of this city on her rollerbaldes. Her name was Antonia “Toni” Williams, she was about 168 cms tall, had dirtyblonde hair, that just reached her neck, and brown eyes. She wore a T-shirt and hot pants.
Of course she wasn’ t that late, but since her watch was liing on her bed she didn’ t know it for sure and just hoped to be on time.
She hab a terrible feeling in her stomach. This day was so important, it could destroy her dream or make it come true, only thinking of this made her feel sick.
Finally she could see the Kaiba Dome behind another group of buildings, the impressive sight took all her attention, and she didn’ t notice the young man until she crashed directly in his back. Both Toni and the boy landed on the ground.
“Aahh, sorry, I wasn’ t looking”, Toni appologized while standing up again. “You alright?”
-“Sure, everything ’s okay, wasn’ t looking myself”, the boy said and stood up easily. He was quite handsome: black hair, black eyes and pale teint. He carried a backpack and wore completely black clothes, which almost looked like a Gi.
Toni wanted to make up for her mistake, but she just didn’ t have any time, or so she thought.
“I’m Toni Williams, sorry again, but I’ ve got to go.”, she said as she already started to roll on.
“Yeah, it ’s okay!”, the boy said, but Toni couldn’ t hear him anymore.

The boy stood there for some minutes, looking after the short-haired girl. He directly felt that this girl must be a duelist like himself, she had a very strong aura.
Thanks to the training he got in his childhood he was abled to feel the aura of a person, and the aura of a duelist was much stronger than any other.
The boys name was Rick Misamoto and he too was on the way to the entrance exam.
He always tought of dueling as one form of fighting. Two people using all their skill and talent to conquer victory. He missed the chances to try his skills in this modern world, this exam and the Duel Academy were a perfect opportunity.
His soul was burning when he just thought of the battles liing in his future.
With a confident smile on his face he walked the same way as the short haired girl.

Four people, four souls struggeling in the world of endless battles...nobody can know which side they will be on in the end... darkness or light...two sides of the same medal.


Ok, das wars erstmal Kommis bitte^^

 

[stLynx]

Hey, rein englische Geschichten verdienen es ja wohl, gefördert zu werden ^^. Idee klingt auch ganz interessant, also hab ich gleich mal nen Blick reingeworfen, als ich heute zum ersten Mal seit Monaten wieder im Forum war...
Vorab: Hab jetzt ein paar GX-Folgen auf RTL2 gesehen, ich hoffe, das reicht an Grundkenntnissen.


Im Folgenden hab ich den Teil ziemlich zerpflückt, ausnahmsweise mal nicht aus Boshaftigkeit, sondern weil ich a) selber mal gucken will, wie gut meine Englischkenntnisse noch sind und b) es vllt. ja auch fürs Abi noch hilfreich sein könnte, die Fehler ggf. jetzt gezeigt zu kriegen als dann hinterher.

Alan Riley stood in front of his bathroom mirror looking at himself.

Engländer sind ja großzügig mit Komma-Setzung, aber hinter mirror sollte eins, sonst hieße der Nebensatz am Ende, der Spiegel sah ihn an

When everything would work out today he could finally get away from here, away from this stupid city and away from his hated parents.

"If everything worked out..."

He grabbed the backpack, which he filled with clothes and other stuff last night.

"...which he had filled..."
außerdem: besser "...the night before" statt "last night", weil ja die Geschichte an sich schon in der Vergangenheit spielt und "last night" streng genommen ja die Nacht vom 27.2. auf den 28.2. wäre ^^

With a faint smile he put the deckbox in the special pocket at his belt and left the room.

"...into..."

“Well, Alan this is your big day...”, said his father sarcastically. Thomas Riley was a big thin man with the face of a Hawk and the inteligence of a dove.

*LOL* Der gefällt mir!

His soul was burning when he just thought of the battles liing in his future.

Weil es jetzt schon häufiger vorkam: Schreibt man "lying" nicht mit y?


Waren noch ein paar Tippfehler drin, aber nichts Schwerwiegendes.

Inhaltlich fand ich den Teil schon ganz gut, nur hätte ich vielleicht nicht dem Leser alle vier Charaktere auf einmal um die Ohren gehauen (vermutlich hätte ich schon, mich hinterher aber selber drüber geärgert ^^"), weil man sich die Namen und Hintergründe so relativ schwer merken kann. Bin aber gespannt, ob/wie es weitergeht...

 

[Ryo B.]

wow, ich hab gar nicht mehr hier rein geguckt, weil ich dachte es interessiert eh niemanden^^, schön dann gleich von einem der härtesten Kritiker was zu lesen^^.
Danke schonmal für die korrekturen, ein paar davon sind mir schon beim wiederholten durchlesen aufgefallen und auch die amerikanische(bzw. gemischte) Lesergemeinde im Janime board hat ein paar Sachen gefunden.

Hm...irgendwie hast du recht mit dem Vorstellen der vier charaktere, aber ich dachte so kommt man leichter in die story rein. Ausserdem werden auch noch andere charaktere auftreten, z.b. die main-charas von GX.

Chapter 2: Destination: Duel Academy

The Kaiba Dome was basically a big stadium with a huge dueling field in the center and at least a hundredthousand places for the auditorium. The field in the center was divided into ten smaller fields where the practical exam was held.
Alan was standing on one of the upper floors in the auditorium and watched the duels with not much interest, even though some of the young duelist were quite impressive.
For example the guy called Misawa who dueled only a few minutes ago. This guy won with a combo of Ring of Destruction with Vorse Raider.
And there was the guy who almost came too late for his exam and had to duel a professor of the Academy. Yuki Judai. He suprisingly won the duel with an Elemetal Hero combo. But even if those guys were good duelists, no one would stand in his way to the pro league.
His own duel was long over, he won easily and got his place in the academy, but unfortunately he wasn’ t halve that good in the written exam so he was put into the lowest rank dorm, called Osiris Red.
Well, this wasn’t a problem for him. The main cause was to get to that island and away from his home, anything else could still be fixed later.
Suddenly something caught his eye, on one of the duel courts stood a girl with dirty blonde hair and hot pants.
“Funny oufit for a exam, right?”, said a boy next to Alan, who noticed where his view was directed. It was the guy who just bet the professor, Yuki Judai. Alan hadn’t even noticed him been coming up here.
“Maybe…”, Alan answered without paying attention to the girls clothes.
“It doesn’t matter anyway. Hi I’m Judai. Nice to meet you.”, said Yuki and raised one hand.
Alan glared at him without taking the hand.
“The name’ s Alan Riley.”, he said and started to watch the girl’ s duel again. This guy was much to energetic for him. He was taking all this much to lightly. This wasn’t fun, this was a merciless war and anyone who couldn’t understand this would end as an underdog.

While Alan was thinking his dark thoughts only ten meters away, Toni Williams standed by her Dueldisk and took a deep breath. She hardly passed the written exam now she had to prove her talent in dueling or her dream would be dreamed to the end already.
The examiner who would be her opponent activated his Dueldisk, too.
“Number 309: Antonia Williams, are you ready?”
“H-hai, sensei”, Toni answered nervously.
“Good, then let’ s go. Duel!”

Toni: 4000
Examiner: 4000

The first turn came to Toni. Looking at her hand she took two cards.
“I summon Flame Ruler in an attack position and set one card face down. Your turn!!”
The examiner seemed to analyse Toni’ s strategy. Picking a card from his hand he said:
“I activate Soul Exchange, with this card I can now sacrifice your Flame Ruler to summon my Airknight Parshath(Light/Fairy/5/1900/1400/When this card attacks with an ATK that is higher than the DEF of a Defense Position monster, inflict the difference as Battle Damage to your opponent's Life Points. When this card inflicts Battle Damage to your opponent's Life Points, draw 1 card from your Deck.). But I have to skip my Battle Phase, so I end my turn.”
Toni drew a card from her deck. “I activate Premature Burial (Spell/Equip/ Pay 800 Lp to special summon one monster from your graveyard to the field in face up attack position and equip it with this card. When this card is destroyed, destroy the monster and vice versa.) to bring back my Flame Ruler in attack position, then I sacrifice it to summon Thestalos the Firestorm Monarch(Fire/Pyro/6/2400/1000/When this card is tribute summoned successfully your opponent has to randomly discard a card from his hand. If it is a monstercard do damage to your opponent equal to the level of the monster x100).”

Toni: 3200
Examiner: 4000

“Next I activate the effect of my Thestalos, which forces you to randomly discard a card form your hand. If it is a monster you take damage equal to its level x100.”

The duel system chose one card from the examiners hand and send it to the graveyard. The card was: Mefist the infernal General(Dark/Fiend/5/1800/1700/ When this card attacks with an ATK that is higher than the DEF of your opponent's Defense Position monster, inflict the difference as Battle Damage to your opponent's Life Points. When this card inflicts Battle Damage to your opponent's Life Points, discard 1 card randomly from your opponent's hand.)
Thanks to Thestalos effect the teacher took 500 points of damage.

Toni 3200
Examiner: 3500

“Nice move”, the exminer commented.
“I’m not done yet. I attack your Airknight with Thestalos.” The Monarch of fire threw a big fireball at the centaurus–like Parshath and destroyed it.”

Examiner: 3000

“Now I activate my spell card Hinotama, which will do 600 points of damge directly to you. That’ s it for my turn.”

Examiner: 2400

“Good, very good, girl”, the examiner commented again. “But you will lose in this turn. I remove Mefist and Airknight in my graveyard from play to special summon: Black Luster Soldier Envoy of the Beginning(Light/Warrior/8/3000/2500/This card cannot be Normal Summoned or Set. This card can only be Special Summoned by removing from play 1 LIGHT and 1 DARK monster in your Graveyard. Once during each of your turns, you can select and activate 1 of the following effects:
- Remove from play 1 monster on the field. If you activate this effect, this card cannot attack during this turn.
- If this card destroyed your opponent's monster as a result of battle, it can attack once again in a row. ). Sorry, you were really good, but just not good enough though.”
The impressive Warrior, that the Black Luster is, sprinted forward to do his deadly double attack, but suddenly he stopped.
“What?”, the examiner gasped.
“I activate the trap Spiritual Fire Art Kurenai, with this I can offer one FIRE monster on my side of the field and do damage to you equal to the Atk of this monster. And I choose Thestalos, so his 2400 Atk hit you directly.”
Thestalos exploded in an inferno-like fire ball that aimed and hit the teacher directly.

Examiner: 0

“You passed, welcome to Duel Academy!”
Toni smiled and held up a big V. “Yes!! I made it!!”

On a duel court directly next to her stood a boy, who hab black hair and wore black ninja-like clothes.
Rick had just won his Duel and passed the exam himself. He turned towards Toni and smiled.
“Just as I thought, this should get interesting.”


Chapter 3: Osiris Red

“And so I welcome you to the Duel Academy”, the principal concluded his much to long speach.
Toni was tired, she didn’t even had enough time to breath after her duel was over and now she was sitting here and had to listen to the explanations of this geezer.
After the exam was ended, everyone who passed was loaded in a big Kaiba Corp. plane and then they were flown to a little solitary island wth the Duel Academy on it.
Most of the new students were excited and couldn’t wait to get to their dorms, for most of them just beeing here was the fullfilment of a dream. For a young duelist this academy was the first step to the pro league and the pro league was the first step on the way to be the king of games.
Well, anyway after the plane had landed all students were send to this big hall for the speach of principal Sameshima, a man in his late fiftys with a blad head and a grey beard. Next to him stood the three dorm-leaders of Blue, Yellow and Red.
“Now I would like you all to go to your assigend dorms and meet with your teachers. I wish you luck, and don’t forget what this is all about”, said Sameshima and smiled.
Toni stood up and left the hall along with the other students, since she slightly passed her written exam she was a Osiris Red, the lowest dorm.
It was quite depressing to start at the bottom, but it was possible to change dorms in the next exams, so she just had to be better until then.
>Oh, crap I’ ll need to train...<, she thought and walked out of the big main building.
While walking along the road with the duel monster statues she thought of her dream. At the moment it was unreachable, but just by entering the Academy she took one step further.
>I’ll be coming... just wait!!<
Finally she reached the position that the Red dorm should be at. It was a building with two storeys and many small rooms. Next to the building with the rooms was a smaller building with the living room and the mensa in it. At least that was what the information in the PDA said, which she recieved along with the Academia dueldisc just before the speach of Sameshima.
The building wasn’t that bad in the end, but compared to the dorms of Blue and Yellow it was nothing. Trying to ignore this fact, Toni entered the mensa.

Alan sat in the mensa himself and tried to ignore most of the people. He didn’t want to make any new friends, he didn’t need any drawbacks.
It was quite annoying when Yuki Judai and a new friend of him sat down directly next to Alan, he sighed silently. “Hey, Alan!”, Yuki said and smiled, “So we are in the same dorm?”
“...seems that way...”, Alan answered and wished he would have studied more for the written exam.
“Well, this is a nice dorm don’t you think? The view over the ocean is just great!”, Judai went on. “By the way, this is Marufuji Sho.” The smaller boy smiled nervously. “N-nice to meet you.”, Sho said uncomfortable.
Alan always hated to see people with such lousy selfconfidence, and this dorm seemed to be crowed by many of this kind, maybe they tought, that they are just dropouts because of their results in the exam.
>Ha! What a joke... a single exam can not decide the destiny of a person. With a strong heart and soul you don’ t have to feel inferior to anyone.<, Alan thought and laid bakc in his chair.
Judai was an exception, he wasn’t depressed by his status in the Academy at all, he had to give him this much.
The door was opened once again and the girl in hot pants from the exam came inside. She looked around and sat down on an empty table and waited for the teacher to appear.
A new fact came to Alan’ s mind, while he watched her. She was the only girl in the whole mensa.

Finally after another five minutes of waiting the dormleader arrived and introduced himself as Daitokuji. He was a real big man and had thin arms and legs, dark long hair and very thin eyes. He was smiling almost all the time.
“I hope you will enjoy your time here, now go to your rooms and rest. The lessons will start tomorrow, so be sure to sleep enough.”, Daitokuji said and smiled again.
Alan stood up and was happy to get away from Judai and Sho, he had room number 19 on the second floor and he really hoped that he wouldn’t have to share it with a guy like Sho.
He climbed up the stairs, looked for room 19 and found it. He just opened the door when a voice stopped him. “Hey wait for me, please!”, said a small boy with brown hair that looked even more wimpy then Marufuji. >Oh, great...<, Alan thought and waited for the boy to arrive. “This is room 19, right? So your my roommate?”
Alan rolled his eyes and sighed. “Yeah...”
The boy steped inside the room and threw his backpack on one of the three beds, that were placed in three corners of the room. “Well, Hi then, I’m Ben Carter, hope we get along well.”, the boy said with a weak voice.
“I’m Alan Riley...”, he said and threw himself on one of the other beds.
“Ah, Alan, very good, then let’s be friends, right?”
Alan was silent and starred at the white ceiling, he didn’t want this guy to become his friend, but before he could say anything the door was opened again.
>Oh please not another wimp, god I haven’t done anything to you!!<, he prayed in toughts and watched the person who came in.
He raised one eyebrow.
“What the...?” said the blonde girl with the hot pants, who hab just entered the room.
“What are you doing in my room!!?”, the girl screamed, handling her big backpack with trouble.
Ben was absolutely shocked. “Well, this is our room, maybe your just went into the wrong door.”, he said nervously.
“This is room 19, isn’t it?”
Ben nodded.
“Then this is my room, maybe YOU are wrong here.”
“Nope, here look at this.” The small boy handed her a tiny piece of paper with his name and roomnumber on it. The girl read it an raised one eyebrow. “But...”, she handed him a similar paper.
“Toni Williams, Room 19.”, Ben read out loud.
“This must be some mistake...I will go and ask Daitokuji-sensei.”, the girl said while throwing her backpack on the last empty bed.
“I’ll be back and get my stuff soon.”
With this words she was through the door and run down to see Daitokuji.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------- TBC

so, das soll dann erstmal reichen, hoffe es kommen noch ein paar kommis.

stay tuned.

Ryo

 

[stLynx]

Was die Charaktereinführung angeht: Ja, vielleicht kommt man so wirklich gut in die Story rein, es fällt halt nur schwerer, sich zu merken, welcher Name zu welcher Person mit welchem Hintergrund gehörte, finde ich.

For example the guy called Misawa who dueled only a few minutes ago. This guy won with a combo of Ring of Destruction with Vorse Raider.

"...who had dueled..." und "...who had won..."

His own duel was long over, he won easily and got his place in the academy, but unfortunately he wasn’ t halve that good in the written exam so he was put into the lowest rank dorm, called Osiris Red.

"...he had won...", würde ich sagen.
Und "was long over" klingt sehr merkwürdig. Schreib doch einfach "was over for a long time" oder so.

Alan hadn’t even noticed him been coming up here.

da würd ich das "been" weglassen

While Alan was thinking his dark thoughts only ten meters away, Toni Williams standed by her Dueldisk and took a deep breath.

"stood", nicht "standed"

She hardly passed the written exam now she had to prove her talent in dueling or her dream would be dreamed to the end already.

Da sollte wieder Vorvergangenheit hin ("...had hardly passed...")

“Now I activate my spell card Hinotama, which will do 600 points of damge directly to you. That’ s it for my turn.”

500, eigentlich

“Good, very good, girl”, the examiner commented again. “But you will lose in this turn. I remove Mefist and Airknight in my graveyard from play to special summon: Black Luster Soldier Envoy of the Beginning(Light/Warrior/8/3000/2500/This card cannot be Normal Summoned or Set. This card can only be Special Summoned by removing from play 1 LIGHT and 1 DARK monster in your Graveyard. Once during each of your turns, you can select and activate 1 of the following effects:
- Remove from play 1 monster on the field. If you activate this effect, this card cannot attack during this turn.
- If this card destroyed your opponent's monster as a result of battle, it can attack once again in a row. ). Sorry, you were really good, but just not good enough though.”

Jetzt nur was Inhaltliches: Ich find die Karte für so ein Einstellungstest-Prüfdeck ein bisschen stark ^^"

Toni was tired, she didn’t even had enough time to breath after her duel was over and now she was sitting here and had to listen to the explanations of this geezer.

"...she hadn't even had..."

After the exam was ended, everyone who passed was loaded in a big Kaiba Corp. plane and then they were flown to a little solitary island wth the Duel Academy on it.

"...had ended..." oder "...was over/finished"

She looked around and sat down on an empty table and waited for the teacher to appear.

Die setzt sich aufn Tisch?!

---

Ansonsten fand ich vor allem das Duell ganz nett beschrieben (v.a. im Vergleich zu anderen Machwerken, die ich im LQ schon lesen durfte...), wobei die später gern auch etwas länger werden dürfen Jetzt für so nen Einstellungstest war das aber schon ganz gut so.

 

[stLynx]

Jetzt hast dus geschafft, mich soweit zu verunsichern, dass ich nicht genau weiß, was du in dem Satz eigentlich sagen willst ^^". Ich dachte, das soll heißen "sie stand bei/neben/...", dann muss es heißen "she stood by...". Bei näherer Betrachtung muss ich aber sagen, dass ich nicht sehe, warum die irgendwie in der Nähe ihrer Dueldisk stehen soll *hust*.
Meintest du also "sie stellt die Dueldisk auf Standby" oder so? In dem Fall ist mir "to stand by" als englische Version davon nicht bekannt, weil "standby" ja ein Adjektiv ist... dann würde ich schreiben "she switched her dueldisk to standby (mode)" oder so was in der Art.

 

[Ryo B.]

ah, da war der fehler, logisch warum hab ich das immer auseinander geschrieb... well, da hab ich ne menge zu verbessern^^

Der Satz ist im prinzip von der genannten seite aus den Spoilern, es bedeutet einfach, dass sie die Dinger anschmeissen und kommt recht oft vor.^^

Sorry heut wird wohl nix mehr, hab grad die Woche der Abivorklausuren...sigh...grad sechs stunden geschrieben...urgh...

Ryo

 

[antivirus]

Hn. Leider habe ich von YuGiOh GX nur die erste Folge gesehen, also The one who succeeds Yugi, da ich irgendwie nicht dazu komme, mal regemäßig irgendeine Sendung zu sehen. *seufz* Aber die Übersicht bei Janime ist schon mal ganz toll. ^^

Aber eigentlich wollte ich ja was zu der Geschichte sagen. Also was die Grammatik angeht oder sonst irgendwas kann ich dir leider nicht so hilfreich sein wie stLynx, da Englisch schriftlich nicht gerade meine stärke ist - ich les es nur gerne. ^^ Daher kam ich wohl auch auf deine FF. Nein, mal im Ernst - ich find sie bis jetzt echt gut (ich versteh sogar alles *lol*). Zwar komme auch ich noch ein wenig durcheinander was die Charas angeht (was stLynx schon angesprochen hatte), aber irgendwie kann man sich das doch noch zusammenwuseln und ich denke mal, nach weiteren zwei Teilen hat man das schon drin. ^^
Das Duell fand ich soweit auch ok und wenn du sagt, dass noch ein drei Seiten langes folgen wird *g* ... auch den Dialog zum Schluss fand ich lustig. ^^ Toni sollte sich freuen mit so einem gut aussehendem Typen in einem Zimmer zu sein - ähm .. *räusper*

Nun ja, dann wart ich mal geduldig auf den nächsten Teil. *freu*

 

[Ryo B.]

@antivirus: egal ob du die Fehler antstreichst wie stLynx oder es einfach nur liest und was zum inhalt sagst, ich bin happy solange jemand es liest^^
Und noch glücklicher bin ich, dass dir die story gefällt, auch wenn du nicht so genau über GX bescheid weißt ist das kein großes Problem wenn du dir die Charakterseite auf Janime mal anguckst, dann kennst du auf jedenfall schonmal die Namen die ich erwähne, ansonsten werd ich die story von GX nebenher ab und zu mal erzählen, wenn es gerade passt^^
Nun wer nun letztendlich in Room 19 wohnen wird und wo Rick Misamoto währenddessen abgeblieben is kommt jetzt.

Chapter 4: Ra Yellow

Rick Misamoto had passed his written test quite well and his duel perfectly so he was assigend to the Ra Yellow dorm. After the opening speach of Sameshima he listened to the words of his dormleader and then went to his room.
The Ra Yellow dorm was much bigger then the Red-dorm and had more comfortable rooms with a bathroom attached to it. And in this dorms only two people had to chare one room.
Suprisingly Rick got into one room with Misawa Daiichi, whom he hab seen during the exam.
His dueling skills were really good, he could be a great opponent.
“Well, Rick, it’s nice to meet you.”, Misawa said.
“Yeah, nice to meet you, too. I heard you were this years number one.”, Rick said.
“Yes that’s right. But It doesn’t matter anymore.”
Rick smiled, he liked the attitude of this guy, he wasn’t using his previous victorys to feel superior to the others.
“I hoped you would say that. Would you like to duel right now?”
“It’s quite late now, but I will never avoid a duel,”, Misawa said and grabed his new dueldisc. “Follow me.”
Rick attached his own dueldisc and followed Misawa through the Ra Yellow building to a duel arena that was much smaller then the Kaiba dorm, but it would be more then enough.
The two boys climbed in the arena and standed by their discs.
“By the way which element is your favourite?”, asked Misawa and opened the top button of his Ra –Jacket.
“Hmm...I like dark and earth, why are you asking?”
Misawa opened his jacket and showed the six decks attached to his shirt.
“Well, against dark, I think I’ll select my light deck.”, Misawa said and smiled.
>Wow, he created a deck for any element, this is really cool.<, Rick thought and put his trusted deck in the disc.

“Duel!!”

Misawa: 4000
Rick : 4000

The first turn came to Misawa, he drew and set one card face down,
“Now I’ll summon my Thunder Nyan Nyan(Light/Thunder/4/1900/800/If there is a non-LIGHT monster on your side of the field, destroy this face-up card.) in attack position and end my turn.”

“Allright”, said Rick while drawing and looking at his hand. “I summon Ninja Grand Master Sasuke(Light/Warrior/4/1800/1000/If this card attacks a face-up Defense Position monster, destroy the monster with this card's effect without applying damage calculation.) in a.p.(attack position).” The ninja appeared on the field and formed some finger seals.
“Then I give him the equipment spell: Fuhma Shuriken, It raises the power of my ninja by 700 points.”
Sasuke got a big shuriken in his hand and his Atk increased to 2500.
“Now I attack your Nyan with Sasuke.”
“Sorry I aktivate Waboku, so any damage to me or my monster is negated.” The facedown trap flipped open and showed the image of three angels forming a wall.
“Ok, I’ll set one card and end my turn.”
Misawa smirked as he drew his card. “I’ll activate my spellcard: Cost Down. Thanks to it’ s effekt I have to dicard one card from my hand to cut the Level of all monsters in my hand by two.”
Misawa selected one card from his hand an discarded it.
“Now I can offer my Nyan to summon Gaurdian Angel Joan (Light/Fairy/8/2800/2000/When this card destroys a monster and sends it to the Graveyard as a result of battle, increase your Life Points by an amount equal to the original ATK of the destroyed monster.). Now Attack his ninja, Joan!!”
The glowing Angel collected the power of light and fired a beam at the ninja and eridated it completly. “Thanks to my Joans Effekt my LP will now increase by 1800.”
Suddenly the Fuhma Shuriken flew out of the smoke and hit Misawa. “What the...?”
“Sorry, but when my Shuriken is destroyed it does 700 points of damage to you.”

Misawa: 5100
Rick: 3700

“My turn”, Rick said energetically and drew his card. He smiled as he saw it.
“Okay, I’ll summon Black Ninja – Hyottoko(Dark/Warrior/3/800/400/ When this monster is normal summoned succefully, special summon one Black Ninja – Beshimi from your deck ) in an a.p..” The monster that appeared weren’t really looking like a ninja, it was a fat guy with only two teeth in the center of his mouth.
“Thanks to it’ s effect I can now special summon Black Ninja – Beshimi (Dark/Warrior/2/400/300/ During your stand by phase you can decrease the attack of one monster on your opponents side of the field by 800). And now that I have two Ninjas on my side of the field I can activate my facedown trapcard: Ninja Grenade. It can destroy one face up monster on your field and do damage to you egal to halve of its ATK.”
The two ninjas both threw an old fashioned grenade at Joan, destroying it.

Misawa: 3700

“And now I will attack with my two ninjas directly.”, Rick shouted as his ninjas sprinted forward and attacked Misawa directly, sending him to the ground.

Misawa: 2500

“Now I set one card face down and end my turn.”
Misawa climbed back to his feet and drew a card. “This was a good attack, but I am not done, yet. I activate the Spellcard: Premature Burial, by paying 800 LP I can reborn my Joan. Now I attack your Beshimi with her.”

Misawa: 1700

“I activate this trap”, Rick said and flipped his card face up. It was Ninjutsu Art of Decoy(Select 1 face-up monster on your side of the field that includes "Ninja" in its card name to activate this card. As long as this card remains face-up on the field, the selected monster is not destroyed as a result of battle (damage calculation is applied normally).
“Thanks to it my monster is not destroyed in battle.”
Misawa grinned. “Maybe, but your LP are still gone!”

Rick: 1300

Rick ignored the imaginary pain and drew his card. “Now the effect of my Beshimi is activated, I can reduce the ATK of one of your monsters by 800.”(Joan: 2000/2000).
Next I will offer my Beshimi to summon: Black Ninja Captain – Aoshi (Dark/Warrior/6/1900/1900/ This monster can not be attacked if there is another monster with “Black Ninja” in its name on the field. In your Draw Phase you can select one monster with “Black Ninja” in it’ s name from your deck instead of drawing a card this turn.).
Aoshi was quite an imposing monster, looking a bit like Rick in a few years. He had black hair, black eyes and wear a black ninja – uniform. Like Beshimi and Hyottoko he wasn’t carring any weapon.
“A ninja is a master in killing with and without a weapon, but my Aoshi has a favourite weapon. I activate the equip-spell: Kodachi.”
As he setted the card in the s/t slot of his dueldisc, Aoshi got two short swords and holded them in his backhand.
“Thanks to this swords Aoshis Atk increase by 500 (Aoshi: 2400/1900) and when he destroys one of your monster in battle you take damage equal to this monsters ATK.
Aoshi sprinted forward and cut Joan in halve with the sword in his hand, the beautiful Angel exploded and in the explosion Misawas LP were reduced.

Misawa: 0

“Great play, Rick,” said Misawa and smiled. “I’m really looking forward to our next duel.”
Rick helped Misawa back to his feet and smiled too: “Yeah, me too. I hope next time you will fight seriously.”
Misawa raised an eyebrow and smiled even brighter: “So you noticed?”

Chapter 5: Room 19

“What? Are you nuts!!?” Toni shouted at her dormleader.
She was sitting inside the small room that Daitokuji used at his office. He was sitting behind a desk and smiled at Toni. “Are you telling me that you put me in the room with this boys on purpose?” Her eyes were burning in rage and her cute face was more looking like a that of a terrible demon.
“Well, If you would let me explain the situation...” Daitokuji tried to calm her down, but Toni wasn’t in the mood to listen to him.
“I am not interested in your explainations, I want another room in the girls dorm, and I want it now!!”
“You see this is exactly the problem...” said Daitokuji with an uncomfortable voice.
Toni sighed loudly and let herself fell on the chair, she was still very angry, but shouting at him till dawn wouldn’t help her situation.
“Fine, tell me your “reasons”.” She said and glared at him with this burning eyes of her.
“Ok, the first problem is, well...you know Osiris Red is the lowest dorm, we are considered dropouts who will fail anyway, thats why we don’t get much money from the Academy funds.”
“Your point?... .”
“Allright, already my point is...actually there is no girls dorm for Osiris...”, Daitokuji smiled nervously and scratched the back of his head.
“Your making fun of me, right? I mean how can there be only a dorm for boys here.”
“In the previous years we always had enough girls to give them some of the empty rooms in the boys dorm, so we didn’t had to build a house for the girls. It worked out just fine.”
“Then gimme one of the spare rooms, where’ s the problem?”, Toni was annoyed by this guy, he was just talking nonsense when the solution was so easy.
“There are no spare rooms this year. It may seem funny, but you are the only girl, who got in Osiris Red this year and all rooms are full. The only free bed is in 19. You understand now? I don’t like this situation myself, but if you want to stay on the island you have no choice.”
Tonis shoulders sank down. >This is great...I finally am on this stupid island and now I maybe have to go again......can’t let that happen.<
She sighed loudly again and stood up. “Alright then, I am staying in this room, but...if the guys do anything... I’ll give you no garantee.” She left the room and threw the door back in the frame.
“Okay, but give them at least chance to run, okay?”, Daitokuji shouted after her smiling again. The brown cat, Pharao, jumped on his stomach and jawned. “Soon...”

Only a few minutes later, when the door of room 19 opened again Alan was still liing on his bed, reading a new duelist magazin. The cover showed a picture of Flaming Wingman in action.
Ben was putting his clothes from his bag in the big cupboard on one of the walls.
Alan looked up from his magazin and watched Toni while she was coming inside the room.
She looked to the floor seeming a little depressed, without saying a word she sat down on the bed with her stuff and opened her backpack.
“So?”, Alan asked and looked at his magazin again.
“So, what?...” Toni asked back with a sad tone in her voice.
“Which room are you going to?”, he asked again.
“None...I’m stayin’....”, she said and took some clothes from her bag. “If that’s okay with you...”. Not that it would make any difference though...
Ben turned pale and almost dropped some of his socks, but since he was looking towards his cupboard both Toni and Alan couldn’t see his face.
“Fine. Whatever.”, Alan said. Since he had a sister for him it didn’t make any difference to share his room with a girl or a boy, plus she was a quite good duellist what made her a bit more interesting.
The blonde girl looked at Alan or better at the magazin, which he was reading calmly.
>This guy has cold voice...as if he wasn’t interested in anything...brr...< She thought and shrugged. With a silent sigh she laid back on the soft pillow on her bed.
>Oh damn what have I been getting into here?<
It wasn’t really like she had a choice so the only thing she could do was arrange with this guys.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
so, hat irgendwer bemerkt nach welchem Vorbild Ricks Karten endstanden sind?
Wir ham also einen gemischten Raum, mal sehen ob das zu irgendwelchen sehr witzigen szenen führen wird, da Toni ziemlich jähzorning sein kann mit Sicherheit.

so stay tuned and give comments^^

Ryo

 

[Yamato]

mal eine kleine sidefrage:
(Bin leider noch nicht dazugekommen alles zu lesen, abi in 2 wochen, danach dann aber!!)

hast du deine infos über das kartenspiel von einer seite oder aus der serie? weil ich überlege auch ne ff über das thema zu schreiben und suche jetzt krampfhaft ne seite, wo alle karten etc.aufgelistet sind...

 

[Ryo B.]

juhu noch ein neuer leser^^

Machst du ja noch vor mir Abi, bin in etwa vier-fünf wochen dran^^

Die meisten Karten kenn ich soweit auswendig, aber ne gute Seite um effekte nachzugucken ist Netrep.net
Allerdings hab ich auch ein paar karten selber entwickelt, z.b. die meisten von Rick.

so long

Ryo

 

[stLynx]

Rick attached his own dueldisc and followed Misawa through the Ra Yellow building to a duel arena that was much smaller then the Kaiba dorm, but it would be more then enough.

Dazu 2 Kleinigkeiten: Zum einen würde ich schreiben "...attached his own dueldisc to his arm" oder so, zum anderen nehme ich an, du meinst den Kaiba-Dome, nicht den Kaiba dorm, oder?

The two boys climbed in the arena and standed by their discs.

"into the arena", find ich. Zu "standed by" hab ich mich ja schon mal ausgelassen

It can destroy one face up monster on your field and do damage to you egal to halve of its ATK.”

"equal", nicht "egal"

“Well, If you would let me explain the situation...” Daitokuji tried to calm her down, but Toni wasn’t in the mood to listen to him.
“I am not interested in your explainations, I want another room in the girls dorm, and I want it now!!”

Wenn sie "another room in the girls dorm" will, heißt das "noch ein Zimmer" - hat sie denn schon eins da?! Vielleicht meintest du "a different room"?

Toni sighed loudly and let herself fell on the chair, she was still very angry, but shouting at him till dawn wouldn’t help her situation.

1. "let herself FALL"
2. "ONTO the chair"
3. "help her situation"? Da fällt irgendwas.

“In the previous years we always had enough girls to give them some of the empty rooms in the boys dorm, so we didn’t had to build a house for the girls. It worked out just fine.”

"...didn't have..."

---
Fand die zwei Kapitel gut. Zwar wär ein echter GRUND für das Duell am Anfang nicht übel gewesen, weil dann sowas wie Spannung hätte aufkommen können, interessant wars aber trotzdem. Jetzt mag man sich natürlich fragen, warum der Jahrgangsbeste nur in Ra Yellow ist...
Nach welchem Vorbild die Karten entstanden sind, ist mir nicht aufgefallen. Fand sie aber recht gut gelungen, nicht so unfair übermächtig, wie es einem bei anderen FFs gerne aufgetischt wird. Nur die letzte Ausrüstungs-Zauberkarte fand ich etwas hart... also den Teil, dass man LP in Höhe der ATK des zerstörten Monsters verliert. Trample-Schaden wär okay gewesen, find ich... naja, ist die Karte bestimmt Ultra Rare XD

 

[Ryo B.]

nun, Misawa hab ich aus der Serie übernommen, auch da ist er in Ra Yellow, leider kann ich hier also nicht viel geheimes draus machen.
"Kodachi" entstand, wie ihr euch sicher gedacht habt nach dem Vorbild von Rouroni Kenshin, aber der effect ist auch nicht besser als der vom Flame Wingman, ausserdem kann nur Nlack Ninja Captain Aoshi damit ausgerüstet werden, der auch noch ein Tributmonster ist, deswegen denk, ich dass es grad noch passt^^
Ein Grund wäre gut gewesen, aber Rick braucht meistens keinen Grund zum duellieren, er liebt es einfach.

Ryo

 

[stLynx]

Ja, mit Misawa ist mir vorhin auch aufgefallen XD Hab die japanischen Namen nicht so im Kopf, nur die ollen englischen, die se im deutschen beibehalten haben.

 

[antivirus]

Ok, hm. Anmerkungen habe ich nicht. Was soll ich auch groß sagen? ^^ stLynx hatte das mit dem Duell ja schon angesprochen und du hast auch schon geantwortet ... Ich glaube, ich bin zu langsam .
Ich fands sonst halt wieder gut (blah, blah), aber ich glaube, vor allem freu ich mich auf die Disparitäten in room 19. ^^
Ach ja, zu den Karten sag ich jetzt mal nix - denn mir ist ja auch nix aufgefallen ... .____." *verschwind*

 

[Yamato]

noch was kleines:

It wasn’t really like she had a choice so the only thing she could do was arrange with this guys.

müsste es nicht 1) to arrange heißen und 2)these guys, da es ja zwei sind =)


Ansonsten hab ich jeztt alles gelesen, klingt echt nett bisher, die Duelle sind verständlich und gut beschrieben. Hatte bisher keine Probleme zu folgen.
Noch ne Frage: wie alt sind die ungefähr?

 

[Ryo B.]

Alan ist garde siebzehn geworden, Toni sechzehn und Ben wohl irgendwo zwischen fünfzehn und sechzehn.
Zum vergleich, die GX charas sind fats alle um die fünfzehn, sogar Asuka/Alexis (auch wenn man es schwer glauben kann...ihr wisst was ich mein...)

um es ein bisschen verständlicher zu machen, mal eben die jap. Namen und die englischen Namen gegenübergestellt, weil ich eigentlich immer die (wesentlich besseren) jap. Namen nehme:

Yuki Judai = Jaden Yuki
Marufuji Sho= Syrus Trusdale
Marufuji Ryo(Kaiser)= Zane Trusdale
Maeda Hayato= Chumley irgendwas
Tenjoin Asuka= Alexis Rhodes
Tenjoin Fubuki= Atticus Rhodes(*brr*)
Misawa Daichi= Bastion Misawa
Prof. Chronos= Doctor Crowler
Principal Sameshima= Counselor Sheppard
Daitokuji-sensei/teacher= Dr. Banner
Manjyoume Yun/Thunder/Sanda=Chazz Princeton(...)

das sind nur mal die hauptcharas.
So und hier is der nächste Teil, diesmal ohne duel, aber keine sorge, allzu lange wirds wohl nicht dauern zum nächsten, aber trotzdem ist eine story, die nur aus aneinander gereihten duellen besteht ja nix, deswegen gehen wir jetzt allmählich in Richtung der Grundidee der Geschichte.

Ryo

Chapter 6:

>>> ”Come on now, draw your card!! Oh...are you scared, you poor puppy...Hahaha!!” shouted the dark person at the small boy with the blonde hair. “No!! I’m not scared...!!”, the boy said very silent, his hand was trembling. “No I won’t give...” <<<

Alan opened his eyes and found himself in his bed in the Duel Academy. His heart was pounding wildly and he was sweating like he had run more then ten miles. A numb feeling went through his body and all his strength was gone.
He didn’t think of that time for a long, but it was necessary to think of it, at least that was what he thought now. For almost eleven years he forgot that these days had even happened, and he habd still problems to remember anything more then this scene from his dream? The events must have been sunk so deep in his mind that he couldn’t remember it, or maybe he didn’t want to remember?
>Whatever it was...it can not be coincidence for me to remember it right now...<, he thought and laid back in his pillows again.
It was still dark night, maybe three or four o’clock and his two roommates were sleeping tight. Luckily he hadn’t screamed, it would have brought too many questions.
>Damn it...<, it howled through his head while his eyes closed again, he hoped to sleep dreamless the last few hours...

The alarm rang at only seven o’clock, a really annoying time to stand up. Toni threw the clock off the small table next to her bed and opened her eyes slowly.
The soft light of the new morning shined at her face and made her groan.
“Jus annother fiv minutes, mom...”, she blabbered silently and turned to the other side.
“Get up already...”, said a voice even colder then last night.
Toni opened her eyes in shock, she couldn’t remember where she was until she looked in Alans icy eyes and blushed.
“Alright, alright...I’m up...”, she said annoyed and threw the blanked away, showing her cute Hane Kuriboh pyjamas.
She sat up on the edge of the bed and looked at Alan who was already dressed completly. He wore the same crushed jeans as the day before and a black muscleshirt, he didn’t seem to like the school uniform.
>Maybe he has been gotten up earlier...but his eyes are so tired.<
“Ben’s in the bathroom right now, you can go next....”, said the blonde boy and laid back at the wall next to her bed, and kept his mouth shut.
The only sound was the shower behind the bathroomdoor.
“Can’t you say something?”, asked Toni and looked over to her roommate.
“Like...?”
“Like: Good morning, how do you feel, been sleeping well...something this direction...”
Alan shut his eyes and sighed: “.........’morning.”, he said without looking at her.
Toni sweatdropped and looked at him like he was sick, infact she thought he might really be with this tired and cold eyes of his.
“Damn, you could at least try to be a nice guy, couldn’t you?”
“.........I’m not nice...”, he said, pushed himself away form the wall and went to the wardrobe where he stored his clothes. He grabbed his Osiris jacket, bounded it around his waist and made a knot in the sleeves. After that he turned to the door and took the doorknob in his hand. “...and I don’t wont to be...”, he continued more silent and went out.
In the one second that she could see him from behind she briefly noticed the kanji on the back of his shirt. “Guessed that much...!!!”, Toni screamed after him.
>Oh... what an cold idiot...<, she thought and walked towards her own wardrobe to take her clothes out.

Alan walked towards the main building, with his hands in his pockets. The street was build from white stones and every ten meters a statue with the look of a Duel Monster was placed. Alan could regonize a Blue eyes, a Dark Magician, Kuriboh and many other.
>...pathetic...<, he though and truned away from these pieces of “art”.
After the dream of the past woke him up at 3 AM he just couldn’t sleep anymore, more of his memory broke through and yet it just doesn’t made whole picture, many pieces were missing.
He would have to wake his memory somehow.
But another thing was creeping through his mind, this damn noisy girl, her face was burned in his mind. Why couldn’t he ignore her like he did with most of the people in the previous years? Was it just because she was a good duelist, or was it more than this?
“Hey, Alan, wait sec, will ya?”, asked a familiar voice and Alan wished that he had taken another way to the Academy. >Swimming around the island, would be much less annoying…<, he thought and braced himself for upcomming evil.
Yuki and Marufuji came running from the Osiris dorm, both wearing the uniform and the jackets now. Alan just went on without even thinking of waiting, but it didn’t work, suddenly a pair of hand grabbed him at his sleeve. Alan sighed and stopped.
“...What...?” he asked.
“Our first day at the academy, cool eh? Where are your roommates?”, asked Yuki and grinned.
“...the room I suppose.”

Well, this was not correct after all. Toni and Ben where walking towards the Academy themself, both silent and both wearing their jackets now.
Tonis forehead veine twitched like a pipe line, she was about to explode.
“Can’t you at least say something to me? God, are all guys here big cold idiots?”, she screamed and made Ben jump a meter away. The poor small boy looked at her shocked, he wasn’t used to talk to girls and he was damn shy when it came to this point.
It was true that they both didn’talk since they left the dorm, but he didn’t know what he should say to her. Maybe about dueling or about their roommate Alan...he had no idea.
“No...I mean Yes, sure we can talk, what do you want to talk about?”, he smiled uneasy.
Toni took a deep breath. “Fine, let us talk about...,” she thought for a few seconds but she just couldn’t come up with a topic, “...what do you think about the king?”
“Elvis? Oh he is great, I love “Jail House Rock”,” Ben said and smiled, very happy that they found a topic. Toni hit him on the back of his head and growled like a wolf.
“Did I say something wrong?”
“...jerk...I mean the other king, the king of games...Mutuo Yugi!!”, she shouted at Ben.
Ben rubbed the back of his head. >aww...women are quite painful...why couldn’t she be a bit more precise?<
“Mutuo Yugi, well actually I haven’t seen much of him recently. But I got a DVD with the whole Battle City duels of him. He always seemed to be so calm and cool. He never seemed to fear defeat. I really wish to be like him...why are you aking?”
Toni was looking to the ground, she didn’t even listen to him anymore, what Ben couldn’t see and hear was the pounding of her heart.
>Just hearing his name...<, she thought and took another deep breath.
It has been many years since Yugi had shown his amazing dueling skills, his deck was used as piece of history and send to all museums and Kaibalands all over the world. But then five years ago Yugi disapered from the pro league and no one knew what had happened.
Rumors say that Seto Kaiba didn’t come up with the idea of the Duel Academy himself but by the help of Yugi, who had always been his toughest rival. The king secretly helped to create these schools, because they wanted to give kids all over the world the chance to reach their level.
Another rumor said that he was now living on the island called Duelist Kingdom with his wife and helped Pegasus J. Crawford with the creation of new cards.
But all this were only rumors you would find on suspicous internet pages, Toni knew that Yugi had never stopped dueling. He was just preparing for something that only he new of.

TBC
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Preview: Classes finally start and the students of room 19 start their new life at the school. Alan tries to remember what happened in his past and on a small walk he meets with two people sho might help him.

 

[stLynx]

sogar Asuka/Alexis (auch wenn man es schwer glauben kann...ihr wisst was ich mein...)

Echt? ich dachte, die wär mit "Zane" gemeinsam im 3. "Jahrgang"! Man lernt doch nie aus.

He didn’t think of that time for a long, but it was necessary to think of it, at least that was what he thought now.

"for a long time", wobei dann natürlich "time" wiederholt würde... zur Not einfach "very long" oder so ^^"

For almost eleven years he forgot that these days had even happened, and he habd still problems to remember anything more then this scene from his dream?

"he had forgotten" würd ich sagen, und "more THAN this"

The events must have been sunk so deep in his mind that he couldn’t remember it, or maybe he didn’t want to remember?

"must have been sunk" klingt irgendwie ein bisschen sehr lang, "must have sunk" vielleicht?

It was still dark night, maybe three or four o’clock and his two roommates were sleeping tight.

wenn schon, dann "tightLY"

The soft light of the new morning shined at her face and made her groan.

ist die Vergangenheitsform von "to shine" nicht "shone"?

“Alright, alright...I’m up...”, she said annoyed and threw the blanked away, showing her cute Hane Kuriboh pyjamas.

*lol*

He wore the same crushed jeans as the day before and a black muscleshirt, he didn’t seem to like the school uniform.

...and probably he STILL wore the crushed jeans (konnte ich mir nich verkneifen ^^)

>Maybe he has been gotten up earlier...but his eyes are so tired.<

warum nich einfach "maybe he got up..."?

After the dream of the past woke him up at 3 AM he just couldn’t sleep anymore, more of his memory broke through and yet it just doesn’t made whole picture, many pieces were missing.

"didn't make"

---
Ansonsten muss ich sagen, dass ich schon originellere Ansätze gelesen hab als jemanden, dem ein Mädel "einfach nicht auf dem Kopf geht" und der eine mysteriöse Vergangenheit hat . Dafür war der Teil mit Yugis Verschwinden ganz nett. Bestimmt isser im Reich der Schatten

 

[Ryo B.]

Reich der Schatten? *brr* Du meinst diese bekloppte Version, die sich $kids ausgedacht hat um den Tod zu umschreiben? Nein, nein, Tod isser sicher nich und auch nich in diesem ominösen Reich der Schatten. Schließlich hat Judai ihn ganz am Anfang in Domino getroffen, Yugi hat ihm ja Hane(Winged) Kuroboh gegeben^^.
Stimmt, sonderlich orginell war die Sache mit dem nicht aus dem Kopf gehen nich, aber lasst dir gesagt sein, dass ich damit (noch) nicht meinte, dass Alan dabei is sich in sie zu verlieben^^, da steckt schon mehr dahinter, aber das wirst schon noch sehen.
Jep, Asuka is noch 15, sie muss wohl durch gute leistungen in der Duel-Vorschule(^^) in den Blue dorm gekommen sein.
Ihr Bruder Fubuki war mit Ryo in einer Klasse und auch so was wie ein Freund von Kaiser.(War angeblich genauso gut wie er aber das ist nur ein Gerücht...)

Ryo

 

[Ryo B.]

So dann mal weiter, sorry hab wegen Abi grad nich soviel zeit(dienstag erste Klausur...bibber)
Dennoch had ich hier zwei chapters für euch, so relax and enjoy^^

Chapter 7: Lessons

The classroom 419 was build like a big auditorium, we have one single desk in the middle of the room with a big LCD monitor behind it, the place for the teacher of course.
The students were sitting around this desk in ascending rows, separated in the three dorms Blue, Yellow and Red.
Asuka Tenjoin, a first year Obelisk student, was already sitting on her chair in this room and starred at the empty monitor. She had blonde long hair, blue eyes and wore the typical Obelisk girl uniform. Shortly said: she was a pretty attractive young women that many boys would fell for, if there wasn’t her tired and sad face.
She finally reached the Academy, which her brother had been going to until he suddenly disappeared, and made it to the top like her brother, but though she had been looking for him all night long she couldn’t find a single trace.
It was like Fubuki didn’t even exist anymore. But that was unacceptable. Nothing would stop her, nothing. >I may have to get inside the abandoned dorm...the place where Fubuki disappered...<
The dark building called the abandoned dorm was deep in the woods around the Academy, it had been a dorm used some years ago, but then many students disappeared in it, her brother being one of them, and the dorm was sealed. The entrance was stricktly forbbiden and no one had set a foot in it for at least two years. Asuka had been there every night standing outside the fence and laid down a rose for her brother, but nothing happened.
The sweet girl sighed and rested her head on her arms. She had to think of something else or she would go crazy.
>Well, at least it won’t be getting borring when there are some good duelists around, especially this Yuki Judai could get interesting, he bet Chronos after all.< And there were some other duelists, which took her attention , too. The girl with the fire-themed deck, and this guy with the ninja deck,
Asuka looked around and finally found the two. The girl was sitting in the red corner between a small brown haired guy and a guy that she couldn’t remebered form the exam. Somehow she got goose bumps just by looking at him.
>Poor girl, being the only female Osiris this year must be quite hard on her.<, Asuka thought and felt uncomfortable with this situation.
The ninja-guy was sitting in the Ra-corner next to the exam’s number one, Misawa Daichi. He was liing flat on his deck and snored loudly. Asuka smiled and wanted to be that easy, too, she could need some sleep herself.
“Bon journo, seniors and senioras”, spoke an accentful voice from the desk in the middle of the room. Asuka put her head up again and prepared to deal with this annoying teacher.

“My name is Chronos de Mediz, I’ll be your instructor in card knowledge this year.”, said the gross looking teacher with a strong italic accent. He had pale skin, was thin like a snake and wore a blood red lipstick. His hair was blonde and cut like a pot.
Alan recognised him as the professor from the exam, that got his butt kicked by Yuki.
>...seems to be easy to get a teacher here...<, he thought and showed a disgusted look upon his face. He was sitting in the red corner and was bored already.
After Yuki and Marufuji joined him on his way to the Academy he couldn’t get away from them. The result was that he was sitting next to them now, to his right sat the Toni-girl from his room, who apparently was still angry at him, and next to her sat Ben.
“I’m sure that after this year we will crystallise the elite from you, there is no space for dropouts at my school,” continued the creepy teacher and send an evil view at all the osiris students. Alan thought of giving him an appropriate answer, but the truth was that he didn’t care what this guy thought of him. Yuki Judai however couldn’t keep his mouth shut.
“But when a dropout can beat you, what does it make you then?”, said the boy and smiled.
Chronos’ forehead vein seemed to explode: “I was just going easy on you, nothing else!!”, he claimed.
“Okay, then fight me again now with everything you got.”
Chronos bit his tongue, that was not what he wanted. It was likely possible that he would lose to this boy again, but there suddenly there was an idea coming to his mind.
There was one person he could use. This guy was a mercenary, hired to defeat duellists for money. This was exactly the right opponent to teach Judai a lesson and make him leave the Academy, his Academy.
“This would only be a waste of time...”, he finally answered and smiled confidently. Judai would get his duel, but not now.
“Besides, I’m sure that you have plenty of stuff to learn for the exam next week, right?”, he laughed dirty. “You can start by telling me what kind of Trap cards there are.”
Judai grinned uneasy and startled. “Ehm...well there are Quick play traps and...
But let’s leave this lesson and Judais embarrassing answer at this point. The six hours of theoretical lessons passed like it were ten hours and finally they were released.

Alan walked back to his dorm together with Yuki, Marufuji, Toni and Ben and went inside the living room. Then through another door into the dining room for lunch.
The dining room was basically just an big room with wooden walls and about ten tables, like almost any room in Red it was quite shabby and it could break down any moment.
The kitchen was behind a thin wooden wall with a door at one end of the room. It was this door that Daitokuji just came out of. He carried plates of fried shrimps and rice, that he just readied and now passed to the hungry students.
“Is this everything?”, asked Toni while looking at her plate with a disgusted face. She took one of the shrimps, that was dripping from oil and fat, in her hand.
>So this is what they mean with “lowest” dorm...this must be hell...<
“You don’t want it? Give it to me, okay?”, said Yuki, who apparently already ate all his shrimps, with the eyes of a puppy.
“Oh, no. It’s okay, I’ll bite myself through them.”, she said, smiled nervously and took the shrimp in her mouth. It was not that she were living a life in Beverly Hills before, she was not a snop or anything like that, so she would be abled to arrange with this food.
Alan just finished his plate without thinking of the taste and stood up.
“Hey, you could at least wait for us...”, Toni mumbled with the tail of the shrimp looking out of her mouth.
Alan looked at her for a second, turned away and went outside the room, he had to be alone and think about some stuff. His past was haunting him and he still couldn’t remember what had happened. What was it that he should never have forgotten?
He walked slowly out of the dorm with his hands in his jeans pockets, the Osiris jacket around his waist moved steadily in the soft wind of this afternoon like a cape.
Taking a deep breath of this fresh air he looked towards the floating waves of the ocean that surrounded the island. He needed a place where he could be alone, just he and his thoughts, but suddenly he heared an annoying and familiar voice in his head.
>...”Damn, you could at least try to be a nice guy, couldn’t you?”....<
Why was he thinking of her now? He just didn’t have time for making friends or thinking of other people right now. He knew that he maybe hurt her feelings, but he couldn’t help it. She would or would not understand someday.
He had to become the perfect duelist as soon as possible, somehow he felt that whatever it was would happen very soon. He shook away the thoughts of this girl and started to walk along the cliffs.

Chapter 8: The lighthouse of silence

“Arr... this guy drives me crazy!!”, shouted the dirtyblonde girl in the Osiris uniform and grabbed one of the boys at the collar of his jacket.
After lunch she had gone to the small living room of Osiris Red with Ben, Yuki and Marufuji and now they were sitting in front of the TV in the Osiris living room. The channel DM1 (Duel Monsters 1, sponsored by KC Group) just showed a pro league duel and the boys where enjoying every turn, but Toni couldn’t concentrate on it.
All the time since Alan left the dining room she could only think of him and his cold view when he left. >Why do I care for him at all, he is just a cold idiot...arrr...<
“What does he think he is? Too good for us or what?”, she shouted at the poor guy that had the bad luck of being in her reach, Ben. She shook him wildly. “When I get this bastard in my hands...”
“He is different from you, that’s all he is. Just wait he will turn out to be a good guy in the end.”, said a familar voice behind Toni and she let Ben off. The poor boy fell to the ground and catched some breath. “Arigato, sensei...”, Ben said with a pale face.
Daitokuji stood in the doorframe with his cat “Pharaoh” on his arms. The cat yawned, showing it’s sharp teeth.
“A good guy...ha...don’t make me laugh. I’d like to see that first, sensei.”
“You will... soon.”, said the teacher and chuckeled in a creepy way.
>Well, this guy sure is different...<, Toni thought and shivered, then she joined the others in front of the TV.

The real target of Tonis anger was still walking along the cliffs of the island looking for a quiet place where the voice of this girl would disapear from his head.
It seemed that the island was much bigger then you would think, but most of it was covered with a deep, dark forest. Alan was pretty sure that most of this forest was unknown territory that no human had seen until now, but it was not what he was looking for.
While he was walking the sun started to dive behind the horizon and a soft twilight spread above the Island. This was Alan’s favourite daytime, it was much more quiet then any other time. As if the crawling shadows would kill any sound.
In his old life, in Domino, he had often been sitting on the roof of his house at this time and watched how the darkness won over the daylight.
And yet it was different here then at home, there was still some light coming from the little port in front of the Academy. He walked closer and finally could see where the bright light was coming from.
A big lighthouse towered above the buildings at the port and send static light beams in all directions. It was a fully automatic lighthouse that never needed any human help.
>Which means that usually at this time nobody should be here.<, he thought and looked around for any human sign of life, then he decided to take a closer look.
When he finally reached the small place, which the lighthouse was standing on, he saw that his first impression was right. Nobody was here and it was absolutely quiet while the horizon turned bloody red.
Once again he inhaled the salty air from the ocean and felt the warm wind going through his clothes. Peace returned to his mind and he could finally start to remember.
>It was ten years ago...I was 6 years old...when I met him... and then...>
Suddenly a voice broke the silence and stopped his thought just when he started to remember what really happened.
A person walked nearer without saying a single word. It was a girl with blonde long hair and beautiful blue eyes. She was an Obelisk blue student.
“You are not whom I expected to be here”, she said and walked next to Alan her face turned towards the ocean.
“Yeah? And who did you expect?”, Alan asked without looking at her.
“That would be me”, said a male voice behind his back. Someone was coming closer but without making a single sound.
Alan turned and looked at the boy behind him. He had dark blue hair cut in a spiked style and blue eyes, he was about Alan’s age. Like the girl he was wearing a Obelisk Blue uniform.
>So much for the “place to be alone”...could almost give a party here...<
“I have never seen an Osiris here, your the first...”, said the new arrived boy.
“......your point?”, said Alan with a challenging tone, somehow this boy reminded him of himself, and that was annoying.
“...calm down, this wasn’t an offence...”, said the boy and took another step forward that brought him to the other side of the girl. “I was just wondering what you are looking for so far away from your dorm.”
“...silence...”, Alan answered truthfully without knowing why he answered him at all.
“I see...good answer...”, he showed a slight smile on his face, then he looked at the girl.
“Found any traces?”
The girl’s look turned sad and her shoulders sank down. “No, not even one”, she sighed, “Fubuki seems to have disappeared completely.”
“You will find him someday...”, the boy said encouraging.
“Who is Fubuki?”, asked Alan, and wondered once again why he couldn’t mind his own business.
“Tenjoin Fubuki, my older brother, he disappeared last year in an abandoned dorm.”, said the girl. Alan raised one eyebrow: “How’s that possible?” A very odd feeling crawled up Alan’s spine. It was as if he already knew what the answer was.
“The last thing I heard from him was something about “yami no duel”...creepy, right?”
Alan stood in shock, absolutely startled. This word “yami no duel” it sounded so familiar, he was absolutely sure that he heard this word before, his body suddenly trembled, exactly like in his dream. He fell to one knee and started to cough.
“Hey, you alright?”, asked the girl and looked at him worried. Her big blue eyes shined in the light of the sunset.
“Yeah, yeah....”, he said and stood up again, the trembling stopped. “I’ll go now.”
“You could at least tell us your name before you go”, said the girl still with this worried tone in her voice. “I’m Asuka. Tenjoin Asuka and he is Marufuji Ryo.” Ryo turned his head and nodded silently.
>Marufuji...a brother of the small wimp...?<
Alan took a last view at the ending sunset. “Alan Riley, that’s my name.”
It was very odd, he had come here to be alone and find himself and his past, and then he found two people, who might help him with this problems. It was really a coincidence beyond imagination.
“Come back when you need silence again...”, said Ryo and showed a faint smile.
Alan turned around and walked of silently with his hands in his pockets again, the darkness of the beginning night swallowed him only seconds later.
Ryo and Asuka stood at the lighthouse and watched the last seconds of the sunset.
“A very dark guy, don’t you think?”, Asuka said and rubbed her naked arms. The night would get cold, she silently cursed the guy who created this uniforms with the much to short skirt and sleeves.
“...dark is just another word for light...did you notice the kanji on his shirt?”
“The one on the back? Yeah, couldn’t read it in this light though, could you?”
“Yes...”, Ryo answered and turned away from the now completely disappeared sun.
“What did it say...?”
“...“evil”....”

TBC
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Prieview:
Chronos starts his plan to remove judai from "his" academy and uses a mercenary called titan. When this shadow duelist manages to lure Judai, Sho, Hayato and the inhabitants of room 19 into the abandoned dorm a duel for the life of Asuka seems to be inavitable.

Ryo

 

[stLynx]

Diesmal mal ohne ins Detail zu gehen ^^": Die Teile waren wieder sehr gut zu lesen, und v.a. der zweite auch interessant. Im ersten ist ja nicht wirklich viel passiert.
Du baust auf jeden Fall IMHO sehr geschickt die Charaktere der Serie ein!